Womanizing: The skill and the sight

The interesting thing, is that after a few months that you read e-books and articles on seduction, you start to make connections. You start to understand and realise that the illogical way in which women act, after all is not that illogical at all. Just contorted. From our point of view. Understanding this makes their behaviour more acceptable; the results less surprising; and the world less evil.

This does not means that magically I have learned to seduce women. Just that now I see the errors that I do. And we all know that knowing your error is the first step toward recovering.

It is like if for my whole life my eyes have been closed. Now finally they have been open. Slightly. And suppose that I had a ball in my hand and I had to throw it through a hole in the wall in front. Make it a spear and you’ll get even more symbolic. Before my success was mainly due to luck. The ball would often bouce off the wall, and I was frustrated, unable to understand what has gone wrong. Now my eyes are open, and I can see where does it bounce. I can see where the hole is. I can see the inevitability of it to bounce if my aim has been imprecise.

This does not mean that I am able to throw the ball, suddenly through the hole every time. Having been blind all my life, there is a huge work that needs to be done to learn the hand-eye-ball coordination.

Plus a huge work in learning the self security needed to say my line in the right time. Babe.

But it feels quite inevitable to do it by now. Mostly a matter of time.

When I was a kid (i.e.15 to 19) I would greet every year as the coming year is when I will finally have sex for the first time. Then the year came much later. And then it went.

In a few hours it’s going to be 2007.

Let the 2007 be the year in which, it doesn’t just happen. But in which I finally learn how to make it happen. Consistently.

And if you are a man, and you are interested in a starting place, you should definitly read
the articles at the Bristol Lair. Pretty much all the schools are present, and is a good place to start.

The Personality Disorder Test

I am not going to transform this blog into an adolescential tests blog. Yet, as I was studying the Game material, it was suggested to take the Personality Disorder test. It is probably quite a serious test, not the usual BS, so I did it. The suggestion was: if you came out with any high or very high, then consider seeking professional help. And the response was pretty much all high and very high. Oops. I am quite surprised I am still alive, to tell you the truth. In any case here are the results:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	High
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	High
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
— Take the Personality Disorder Test — — Personality Disorder Info —

Maybe I should take up therapy. Right now I am in the middle of a very challenging academic job, but it should end in a few months. That might be the right time to take care of this. I use to have a therapist many years ago. When she convinced my girlfriend to leave me (I am not inventing, my x-gf told me later what she said to her) I pretty much stopped trusting her for important issues. In the meantime I have been reading about Cognitive Therapy, and I might put the two strands together and find a Cognitive Therapist who is willing to work with a Borderline Schizotypal impatient. Not to mention Antisocial, Histrionic, Narcisistic, Avoidant Dependent.

And being Avoidant and Dependent is really a bad mix. I mean, it pretty much mean I am always on the wrong side of every door.

Waiting for the global warming

Today I am depressed.
Normally I would claim that is because of having masturbated… but I haven’t masturbated in ages.
Or I would say that is because I haven’t had sex with someone from a long time… but I actually had sex less than a week ago.
When it happened yesterday I said that it was because of having been awakened too early from the centralised fan. It’s engine just above my room… but I made such a fuss that they turned off the centralised fun, so nothing like this happened this morning.
Of course there was a time when I would have said that it was because of the diet… but my diet was perfect in the last weeks.
I also have done meditation daily in the last weeks, and went to an interesting workshop that made me upgrade my skills.
Or I could accuse the lack of real friends, and this might actually be true… but, truth to be told, it is not that much worse than in the past weeks or months. In fact it is actually better.

Somehow this depression seem to be only tied to an inbalance of serotonine. Something I know I have, and the shitty weather in central europe isn’t really helping at all. Cold, damp, no sun, no pussy, and no friends.

I want to go home.
But there is no home,
my friends have left my hometown.
My ex girlfriends are all married, or getting there.
Still the weather in mediterrean countries is much warmer,
and the sun is more bright than any girl I have ever fucked.

P.S. Tessa, avoid commenting, please. Give me a break.