becoming a womanizer as a way to intimacy

In the last post I said I was going to devote myself into becoming a womanizer.

Tessa immediately reacted:
…Like womanizing, it is a game to get a piece of ass, has nothing whatsoever to do with true intimacy between two people. How does learning how to manipulate and finesse a woman into a sexual coupling create true intimacy?

This is chicks logic at its best. But before answering please, first follow me:

One of the errors that most women make, a huge error, and a very common one, is that they think they are in control of themselves. While they are not.

You don’t control attraction.

But this age old observation is ignored, and if a woman is attracted to you she will think she is attracted to you regardless. Just because of your inside. Because you are fit for her. Never because of what you do, but always because of who you are. But who you are, who you have shown to be, is defined by your attitude, your action, your language… in short all things that you do, or you can change.

How many man are there who have never had a girlfriend. Many. Did they just never met their other half? Naa, they met her… and sent her away. How many are single right now, and would not to be so… Many, really a lot. Me, too. How many are single or are in a relationship because they don’t want to risk to be alone… even more.

The truth is that men are generally unsatisfied with sex. Not only they (I mean, we) are often unable to relate to women.

Now let us suppose that an un-sexually awakened man meets the girl of his dreams. Or just a girl he really likes. What is generally his reaction? Unless he had a lot of experiences under the belt, and probably had started having them when he was really young, he will be terrorised. Scared of fucking up all. This fear will fuck up all. And she will go away thinking what a loser did I met.

But of course there is another possibility, he might somehow manage, enough for her to realise that she might, after all, be somehow interested in him. Interested, not attracted. The two things are totally different. So they’ll start to go out. And since he is attracted to her, and she is interested in her, he will push to get closer. She will pull away. The more he will try to get closer, the less attraction he will have for her. In the meantime she will go our with guys to don’t give a damn about her, and are only half that interesting as he could be. She is in short making out with the alpha males, while using him as a confessor. Terrible. And when he will finally make a move, (try to!) kiss her, or whatever she will do the worse action ever for her. She had it all, she had the alpha male, and the confessor. She used him, while having fun with the guy she was attracted to. So when her confessor tries to kiss her, what does she do…
she takes away his male status by LJBF’ing him1. This is terrible. Not only harms the guy, but also the chick. Because the chick is unable to see him in a sexual way. He was too needy. And he was so needy, because he was sexually frustrated. The chick is unable to be attracted to him. She just can’t do it.

Now, being a womanizer means that a man can pull off at any time. He can have the sex that he wants, and is not tied to that one woman. He is not in a weak position, while giving her the lead. He is in a strong position, which is also arousing for her, and makes her drip wet. She respects him. And independently of the fact if he respect her or not (he might or might not) it is not possible to have attraction between two people if the female energy carrier does not respect the male energy carrier. It just cannot happen, because she would use him, and move on. Or LJBF him, and let him move on.

Learning how to deal with women, how to seduce them, how to attract them, how not to care, how to lightly manipulate them to have sex is paramount to be respected by a woman.

Now the funny thing, and here is the female logic, is that once a women meet a guy who is both a womanizer, and an interesting guy, like Lisa with Neil Strauss in the Game, she will love him for his other qualities. His depth, his intelligence. And she will be in the denial that all this womanizer stuff was of any importance.

“I would have liked you before all that self-improvement shit”

Sais Lisa at the end of The Game (pg. 434) .
But she would not have met him, he would not have been able to look at her without freezing or feeling a jelly inside. He would not have known what to do and how to say. And although with Lisa he had to avoid all the techniques which were unusable respect to her, he still had his security, and the clear map of the game, and what is supposed to happen, when and why. All this made their meeting possible.

So to answer Tessa,
How does learning how to manipulate and finesse a woman into a sexual coupling create true intimacy?
By making the man feel really self worth, and changing his belief system.
By giving him a map of how a relationship starts.
By sexually unfrustrating him, in a way that let him play it cool near her,
and let her feel attracted because she feels she cannot manipulate him with her sexual power, because he already has all the sex he needs.
By making him going out in the evening, and not staying in his room playing video games or masturbating all the time.

In short by opening him up to his full alpha status.
And women are attracted to alpha male, not to sexually frustrated beta males. They can’t help, it’s just how they are wired. But they can deny it. And they often… to feel they are in charge of themselves.

1) LJBF: Let’s just be friends


39 Responses to “becoming a womanizer as a way to intimacy”

  1. Tessa Says:

    Sounds like you just want to get your rocks off.

  2. brenda Says:

    How does a woman open a man up so that he can feel his full alpha status?

  3. this man Says:

    Hello Brenda.

    What you ask is not an easy question. I shall try an educated guess based on what I know.

    Spiritual growth is always a personal choise, it is just not possible to force a person to grow who does not want to.

    For men, fellow men can help. But women cannot. Not fully, at least. The best that a woman can do is to support a men in his quest for male figures from where he can learn… if he wants to learn.
    If he is in a spiritual journey those might be more accomplished practitioner.
    If he is in a seduction journey, smoother players.
    And so on.
    But are always men who can teach to men.
    A woman can just make you meet the right guy, be open enough to accept his alpha status (example, you know that alpha guys are hardly satisfied with only one women, right?). Women also help guys by testing us. And you do it all the time. You want it or not. But the same test that can push a guy to grow up, can make another collapse on all four in a lament of self deprecation.

    You might want to check out: Intimate communion & The way of the superior man. Both books from Devid Deida. Intimate communion in particular has a section just on what you asked.
    Deida also wrote a book for women to understand man: It’s a guy thing. I have it and was unimpressed. But I am not a woman. Who knows, you might find over there just what you are looking for.

    It also depends on what relation have you got with him.
    Is he your friend, your partner or your son?

    You see, it’s very hard to help him directly. Suppose he is your partner, the simple fact that you want him to change, puts you in a maternal, above position. Any change that he does might be on unstable ground because of that. This is why most women help their men grow by testing them. And generally being bitchy. An Alpha men is unmoved by their bitchiness. But a beta hates it. So it works quite well. Yet this is not the way Deida suggests, when you want to consciously help your partner. Check his book for more on it. It’s just too long to describe it.

    Well, I hope this partial answer could help you.

    This man

  4. Jenna Says:

    Womanizers, it must be hormonal. Why are some men like that and some aren’t? I know a guy who says he is a womanizer, has dated hundreds of women, but wants to get married and have kids. He says he is tired of dating because it will all boil down to the same thing. How will getting married change him? He will find that it is not what he thought and get bored, move on. He wants to date the pretty ladies, but if they have nothing going on upstaires, he will get bored. In true intimacy, both parts give to eachother the love and trust to make the other feel special. Sex can become familiar with the same partner, but it is only special when you truly love that person, not just the fireworks.
    How is it that women will respect a man who has more control and dumps her? Not happening.
    Yes, we do test you guys, to see what frame of mind you’re in.
    We don’t give a guy a map to how a relationship starts by having sex with him first off. Getting to know the person, starting out slow maps how the relationship will go. If you want to get to know someone that is.
    Men date many women to pursue and conquer, but when that is done, they will move on.
    We want the man to care, and be attentive. Otherwise it is a waste of time, and it is a shallow relationship.

  5. this man Says:

    Jenna, thanks for commenting.

    I have no time to answer right now, so for everybody else:

    I have no time to explain why, but please believe me. Especially if you are not in Europe and you are not competing with me. If you are in Europe you can also believe her. You see, how democratic am I.

    And Jenna, please don’t take my answer personally.
    I know you truly believe what you said.

  6. Andrea Says:

    How can I know in the first date if that person is a womanizer?

  7. this man Says:

    ask him.
    I am being serious. And feel the answer in your heart. But be prepared to discover that your nature actually likes him more if he IS a womanizer than if he is not.

    B TW, a womanizer, by and far, is not a layer. We don’t need to lie.

  8. Mauricio Says:

    I was just told today and a few times before i was a womanizer so i looked on google(as i wanted to fully understand the meaning), this is where i ended up, so now i know womanizer=player. I read your article, and can i just say, YOU deserve a medal. I am very young, just turned 19 but i know what you are talking about as i have lived both stages the “beta male” and now the “alpha male”. Now let me quote you on this Jenna “Womanizers, it must be hormonal. Why are some men like that and some aren’t?”
    No it is not hormonal, how i know? like i said i have lived both stages, and the thing is lack of expirience(In my case i am very young, we learn from our mistakes.
    My mistakes?
    1. Opening up to a woman.
    2. Treating them like princesses all the time.
    3. Asking ,is it okay if I…. ?
    4. Showing that i cared.
    All thoses exposing my weakeness giving the female to take the upper hand and crush me down.
    How i learned after beliving in love, and that i had meet the girls of my dreams, after opening up to the highest point( And being crused to the ground after 8 months when i found out that the love of my life had been with other guys) how you think this hit me?
    Well its very complex but it lead to rethinking my way of thinking tottaly to a whole new level.
    I would say the key point is dont show you care or you will fall.
    work your way up you are only as confident as you think you ca be, again confidece shows, it creates good impressions. You will get the occassional girl looking at you in a bad way as in” Look at you you think you are it” but
    again this girl likes you she does not know it shes fighting against her self and somethimes it can be their way of saying “look im here try urself on me, im a challange. If you go over talk pull the right moves she will fall”I know”.
    Now i live the life, i see different girls every week, i do not get emmotionally attached and it seems to be working for me.
    Lets see where my quest takes me.
    p.s. Dont Hate the Player, Hate the Game 😉

  9. this man Says:

    hear, hear!

    But I prefer:
    don’t hate the Player, learn the Game

  10. david ppp Says:

    I totally agree with mauricio, Guys were not born womanizer they just learn to be one.
    The less you disclose the more girl you get, My pace is 8 girls a month, I mean sleeping with. I dont have to say anything, I just let them do the work.

  11. mauricio Says:

    Hey thanks david, can i just add something too, apart from that since my last comment ive hooked up with 6 girls and had sex with 2 and not 3 because i didnt have condoms 1 night :p so its working out. Also that girl who cruseh me like a lil bug has seen me arround with a few different beautiful girls, she started emailing me and txting me, telling me that she stil loves me and the shes mising me so much and that i was her world and now im not hers she feels like her world is empty, and she regrats everithing so much and bla bla bla blabalabla. I was thinking mayb i could get with her as sex buddies BUT i think shes worth it more for me if i live it as she is, as i notice how her friends also like me, so me not being with her generates more intrest for me from other girls.

  12. this man Says:

    I promised I would have answered Jenna, some time ago. I reckon now I have time.
    What Jenna sais is mostly correct, but for this part:
    Men date many women to pursue and conquer, but when that is done, they will move on.
    We want the man to care, and be attentive. Otherwise it is a waste of time, and it is a shallow relationship.

    Those two claims are in my experience both false. Men are way more dependent that women, and this is why women are scared. Although women tell themselves that they want a man to who is attentive this is not correct. And thiss explains the “unexplicable” feeling of fear women feel when faced with a guy who basically would be everything they claim they want. And the feedback from all the guys who claim that the women, although they say they want a caring men, then they go for te asshole.

    Women want sex too. Women don’t just divide into relationshp and friends (as they tell us), but also in sex buddies. Sometimes they try to make their sex buddies into relationships. But not always.

  13. Tatiana Says:

    I need to make a comment about “this man” saying: “Dont hate the player, learn the game.” It was funny, cute and encouraging!
    I am a woman that is JUST starting to play the game. So far I have been totally beated up on it. I need to learn how to play it.
    How to deal with womanaizers once we are attracted to them?

  14. this man Says:

    >How to deal with womanaizers once we are attracted to them?
    You game them.
    You make them dangling.
    And inside you accept that you will never ‘have’ them.
    You will never control them (at least completely).

    But you might pass some good time with them,
    they are often the only person with which you can be fully honest.

    And they make great friends with benefits or multiple relationship person. Because you know they are players and they know that you know. You can be honest with them, and still have sex with them.

    good luck

  15. carol crothers Says:

    I just left a womanizer who I was with for a year. why would he stay so long. I had no idea until we broke up.

  16. carol crothers Says:

    The guy I was dating had a wife who he didn’t live with and she was constantly calling him. In addition he confessed to me that he had others while he dated me. Now he is calling and e-mailing me. What should I do? I would like him to pay for all the hurt.

  17. Queen Says:

    Is it possible for a man who claims to be a womanizer to fall in love? If so, which is the best way to get to the heart of a womanizer?

  18. this man Says:

    wish him well and let him go. Hate is a glue stronger than love, and it is not your job t punish other people. Believe me, if he harmed while being a womanizer (and the two things don’t necessarily go together) he will feel it inside himself. But if you get harmed by him, take your distance.

    Most of the womanizer are people who are learning the skill after having being harmed by falling in love a lot. Unless you are dealing with a ‘natural’, in which case I don’t know.
    Generally the best way to get to a human being heart is by challenging him/her. Raise your value, yet give the impression that he could obtain you. Essentially you need to womanize him. Are you sure you want to do it? For once you get him, he will probably leave you. If you want me to try to help you more (and I am in no position to help, but hey, you asked) you would need to provide more info.

  19. A Guy Says:

    I think there is a difference between being a womanizer and a man who loves women. A true womanizer sees women as targets to be conquered and forgotten. There is a female equivalent but I don’t know what she is called. Can’t a man love being with women and not want to pick china patterns? Would it be better to jump into a relationship knowing full well it can be over tomorrrow and a new cycle begun?

  20. this man Says:

    There is indeed a difference between a womanizer and a man who loves women. In fact the two concept are fully independent. There are womanizers who love women, and womanizers who don’t love women. As well as non womanizers who love and who do not love women. Being a womanizer has more to do with the action that is being done, while loving women has to do with the spirit and the hidden motif behind the action.

  21. Ferny Says:

    All men can be womanizers when they want ass and nothing else. A guy screws up when he wants intimacy with a certain female and then everything falls apart. This happens cause now he’s opening up himself to her just like he did when he was 15 years old. And women don’t like that. The only solution to this, for men, is to get out there and get rejected as much as you can. Eventually you won’t give a crap and that’s when you erase the insecurity that’s tripped up all of us at one point or another. And women…if you’re wanting to get to a womanizer and change him to direct all his attention to you, well you’re just going to have to play the lottery on that one.

  22. Ferny Says:

    One more comment. I like full-figured voluptous curvy women. I don’t find skinny women attractive. Well guess what? I get layed by more skinny women than curvy women. Why? Cause I’m psyching myself out.

  23. Geena Says:

    This Man, you think you are the stuff! This whole jabber of confidence is just trying to convince yourself of it. What an egocentric, immature, and INSECURE person you are! We women DO know what we want. Womanizers are just able to control the insecure ones. “You don’t control attraction.” Hogwash! If a man comes across arrogant, cocky, like he is king ding-a-ling, then, in the words of Donald Trump: “You’re fired!”
    You’re quote:
    “[Women] think they are in control of themselves. While they are not.”
    is UTTER NONSENSE. Have a women who knows her stuff, just as much as you know yours, and she can twirl you around her little finger. Two can play that game! LOL. This whole quest is about manipulation and power, how to hurt someone, which is EVIL. There must be some void you’re trying to fill. The point is you have some major issues buddy (like HUGE insecurity), get some help, because a REAL MAN doesn’t need to belittle or hurt women to feel in control. All I can say about you is LOOSEEEERRR!
    P.S. People DO NOT listen to this pathetic jerk. This SLUT has no more wisdom, than a prostitute has class. And for those of you who may think that using people may be fun. Ask yourself: Why do I want to be a lowlife?

  24. this man Says:

    :), wow, how passionate. I am sorry but I am taken right now.

    Regarding your thoughts about the game you might want to review the results that people learning PU skills are having on their life.

  25. Carlos Tito Mario Says:

    There are different types of womanisers/players, and I prefer to say I fall under the category of a Ladiesman. This is the type that offers women the illusion of true love & serious commitment the get in their pants. We are the smooth brothers who understand the weakness in women. The first stage of courting as a ladiesman is to shower them with attention, call them every otha nite, & sound like an ideal gentleman from a romantic movie. Women love the idea of a romatic lover who cares for them & shows it by showerin them with attention. Not too much attention tho, cos u’ll seem desperate, & we dont want that to happen. Even tho they see he’s a player, they’ll somehow blive that they’ll be the one to change you. Dont be too soft tho, and by all means neva keep ur eyes from your goal(the pussy). U must have multiple relationships like an investment portfolio. U fck this one this week & the otha next week/the next day. U must neva push a woman into sex, cos they like to think they need to be “ready” to have sex, “it’s romantic that way”. After achieving yo goal yo next move is to implement the exit strategy…which i’ll like to discuss more l8r

  26. this man Says:

    Hello Carlos.
    Thanks for bringing in your experience. I personally don’t like to give the illusion of true love. From when I discovered that women actually like to have sex and are way more open minded than I thought I just realised I did not need to. In short I subscribe to the point of view to leave a woman better than you found her.

    But I sully agree about the need to keep many relations up at the same time. Not only this let you go through the periods of unsuccess, but also let you never become desperate.

    And when you are not desperate you come out as more cool, more secure, and more interesting for the girls themselves.

    Up to now I never needed an exit strategy, but maybe this is just because I never set up the whole thing as a big romantic lie. They know we are only having sex, they like it too. We then move from FB (fuck buddies) up or down depending to what we both feel like.

    In a sense I am way more honest now than before.
    Amazing eh, :).

  27. Carlos Tito Mario Says:

    It surely is amazing. Sounds like some of my friends who wheneva we go out & pickup girls, they like to be upfront about their intentions. They’ll say stuff like.”Ok girls tonite we gonna have fun, have some drinks, dance & later we fck! Do u guys hav a problem with that?” and most times it works for them. Truely is amazing, but like I said there are different types of players in the game.

  28. this man Says:

    wow! I wish I was able to be that upfront.

    I am digesting some things that happened recently so you will forgive me but I will not comment further. 🙂

  29. Annie Says:

    So how DO you play the game? I think it is only fair that we have a level playing field. Now I know how men attract woman because I’ve been there. My question is just how do women attract any man they want? Something is telling me that because men are wired differently they respond to totally different things than woman do. So reversing what men do to attract women won’t work. I am very attractive and get asked on plenty of dates but they are not the dates I particularly want a lot of the time and so far I havn’t found a man that I am interested enough in. I think we should have a chance to play the game. Any suggestions?????

  30. this man Says:

    Hello Annie, I fully agree with you that you can ‘t just reverse what men do. Men have tried to mirror what women were doing (just be yourself, they said) without having any success. And mostly having success, when they had it, despite their failure strategy.

    I don’t think I can give you any suggestion without seeing a pic of you and a pic of the kind of guys you want to attract. Right now from an image I can understand a lot. In particula rI can understand how old, how attractive, but most of all how much estrogn does a woman have. SImilarly from a pic of the kind of guys you like to attract respect to who you actually end up attracting I can understand what is the energy you need to develop respect to the energy you actually bring out.

    How do I do it? Softly. Speaking about something else, while having a good energy. Throwing there a past of masseur, and tai ji teacher which raise my value and gives them a good excuse if they are interested (
    can I have a massage?
    I don’t use to do this much anymore. I just do it now for friends, and strictly as an exchange?
    But I don’t know how to give a massage?
    That is not a problem, I can teach you, but then after I teach you you still need to give me a long and pleasent massage.)

    This opens the door for me to let their oxytocin fire. From there to the first kiss is quite easy. Often I just avoid the first kiss because it has so much social meaning, and I just make her very excited. Once I have her wet and horny through my massage, and open, and she is starting to pulse her lombars back and forth then it is her who goes for the kiss. I suspect because she does not want to feel slutty, and getting an organsm by someone you never even kissed is a no-no in this society.

  31. penelope Says:

    Does womanizing have anything to do with money. Are you more likely to be interested in someone that has money than someone that has none?

  32. this man Says:

    Hello Penelope. No, it does not for me.

    Although mayber the opposite can be true. A woman with less money than me can be more attractive as she awakens some deep feelings of provider-protector. And strength on the face of weakness.

  33. penelope Says:

    Why do womanizers hold onto some women but let others go and is it part of the game to be in a relationship with a woman to get the woman to actually fall in love with you instead of just having sex with her. Sex is easy at least for my friend cause I believe he will f— just about anything but he’s not a bad looking dude in my eyes. I’ve seen some of the women he’s had sex with and it’s unbelievable to me cause I don’t believe I am a bad looking person. Visit my site on, go into search and type in my e-mail address to find me. There is a pic of him in there my friend Randy. He is the womanizer. I kept thinking he broke it off with me cause there was something wrong with me but after reading your blogs I realized that he is still womanizing, he told me he used to be one. At least my mind is at ease now that I know it wasn’t me, he did tell me I didn’t do anything wrong but I just couldn’t believe it til now. Now I understand. Does a womanizer ever really change back to how he was before he started doing it?

  34. Key Says:


  35. eva Says:

    Hi all!

    I just found out from another woman who claims that she is also my bf’s girl and she’s convincing me that we should punish him for being a womanizer, i have not confronted my “bf” as of yet, I want anyone to please give me an advice on what step should i take from here…..

  36. this man Says:

    Hi Eva,
    could you share him?
    Most women make a big division between guys they would marry (and so must be just for them) and guys they know they could never have just for themselves, and then would just have sex with.
    Good womanizers don’t need to lie to their partners. They can tell the truth because they know they have options.
    The fact that this guy was lying suggests that he is not fully a womanizer nor a husband material.

    So you can:
    leave him on the spot
    tell him that for this time… but in future (this is probably not going to succeed)
    accept that he goes with other women, but pretend that you do the same. So in brief open up the relationship
    don’t tell him anything but start looking around.

    I would suggest you either to leave him or to accept him as he is. Anything else is humiliating.

  37. CEE Says:

    Good for him!

  38. DC Says:

    I think balanced men and women don’t need to play the game and just treat each other with respect and accept that a real relationship has ups and downs. However insecure people like myself become womanisers to feel more secure and attract insecure women who need to feel manipulated.

    Because the world is full of insecurity this GAME is beginning to feel normal but it’s not the way it should be. Imagine if parents we told to GAME their kids to make them feel loved… Rubbish right?!

    Keep playing the game if it makes you feel better in the short term but just remember the only partners who will play with you are full of issues!

    DC – A womaniser trying to give up the game.

  39. Dreamy Says:

    This is quite interesting…I have a question as I am in love with a womanizer…what does a womanizer do if he falls in love? another question is…do womanizers commit? what can push them to commitment?

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