becoming a womanizer as a way to intimacy

In the last post I said I was going to devote myself into becoming a womanizer.

Tessa immediately reacted:
…Like womanizing, it is a game to get a piece of ass, has nothing whatsoever to do with true intimacy between two people. How does learning how to manipulate and finesse a woman into a sexual coupling create true intimacy?

This is chicks logic at its best. But before answering please, first follow me:

One of the errors that most women make, a huge error, and a very common one, is that they think they are in control of themselves. While they are not.

You don’t control attraction.

But this age old observation is ignored, and if a woman is attracted to you she will think she is attracted to you regardless. Just because of your inside. Because you are fit for her. Never because of what you do, but always because of who you are. But who you are, who you have shown to be, is defined by your attitude, your action, your language… in short all things that you do, or you can change.

How many man are there who have never had a girlfriend. Many. Did they just never met their other half? Naa, they met her… and sent her away. How many are single right now, and would not to be so… Many, really a lot. Me, too. How many are single or are in a relationship because they don’t want to risk to be alone… even more.

The truth is that men are generally unsatisfied with sex. Not only they (I mean, we) are often unable to relate to women.

Now let us suppose that an un-sexually awakened man meets the girl of his dreams. Or just a girl he really likes. What is generally his reaction? Unless he had a lot of experiences under the belt, and probably had started having them when he was really young, he will be terrorised. Scared of fucking up all. This fear will fuck up all. And she will go away thinking what a loser did I met.

But of course there is another possibility, he might somehow manage, enough for her to realise that she might, after all, be somehow interested in him. Interested, not attracted. The two things are totally different. So they’ll start to go out. And since he is attracted to her, and she is interested in her, he will push to get closer. She will pull away. The more he will try to get closer, the less attraction he will have for her. In the meantime she will go our with guys to don’t give a damn about her, and are only half that interesting as he could be. She is in short making out with the alpha males, while using him as a confessor. Terrible. And when he will finally make a move, (try to!) kiss her, or whatever she will do the worse action ever for her. She had it all, she had the alpha male, and the confessor. She used him, while having fun with the guy she was attracted to. So when her confessor tries to kiss her, what does she do…
she takes away his male status by LJBF’ing him¹. This is terrible. Not only harms the guy, but also the chick. Because the chick is unable to see him in a sexual way. He was too needy. And he was so needy, because he was sexually frustrated. The chick is unable to be attracted to him. She just can’t do it.

Now, being a womanizer means that a man can pull off at any time. He can have the sex that he wants, and is not tied to that one woman. He is not in a weak position, while giving her the lead. He is in a strong position, which is also arousing for her, and makes her drip wet. She respects him. And independently of the fact if he respect her or not (he might or might not) it is not possible to have attraction between two people if the female energy carrier does not respect the male energy carrier. It just cannot happen, because she would use him, and move on. Or LJBF him, and let him move on.

Learning how to deal with women, how to seduce them, how to attract them, how not to care, how to lightly manipulate them to have sex is paramount to be respected by a woman.

Now the funny thing, and here is the female logic, is that once a women meet a guy who is both a womanizer, and an interesting guy, like Lisa with Neil Strauss in the Game, she will love him for his other qualities. His depth, his intelligence. And she will be in the denial that all this womanizer stuff was of any importance.

“I would have liked you before all that self-improvement shit”

Sais Lisa at the end of The Game (pg. 434) .
But she would not have met him, he would not have been able to look at her without freezing or feeling a jelly inside. He would not have known what to do and how to say. And although with Lisa he had to avoid all the techniques which were unusable respect to her, he still had his security, and the clear map of the game, and what is supposed to happen, when and why. All this made their meeting possible.

So to answer Tessa,
How does learning how to manipulate and finesse a woman into a sexual coupling create true intimacy?
By making the man feel really self worth, and changing his belief system.
By giving him a map of how a relationship starts.
By sexually unfrustrating him, in a way that let him play it cool near her,
and let her feel attracted because she feels she cannot manipulate him with her sexual power, because he already has all the sex he needs.
By making him going out in the evening, and not staying in his room playing video games or masturbating all the time.

In short by opening him up to his full alpha status.
And women are attracted to alpha male, not to sexually frustrated beta males. They can’t help, it’s just how they are wired. But they can deny it. And they often… to feel they are in charge of themselves.

—-
1) LJBF: Let’s just be friends

Nothing fundamental has changed

Lacking real material to post, I decided to repeat a quote that is sounding unpleasently precise.

It is from David Deida’s book, Intimate Communion:

The second stage man is also singularly deluded. At least the first stage man is up front with his wants: He wants big bucks and big breasts. The second stage man often hides his own emptiness and his own needs, even from himself. He has practiced meditation for 10 years, travelled all over Asia and india, he is a certified aikido master and psychotherapist, and, essentially, nothing fundamental has changed. He still feels unfinished.
…
Furthemore, he is older now, and he doesn’t have the energy and determination he once had.

Wow! I couldn’t have expressed it better. It only makes me wonder: how come I resonate so much with the second stage man, while I still desire to have sex, to have chicks, to have breasts (actually my specific is the female ass, you can’t get more dominant than that!)?

This is where I think I am stuck!

I had girls, and I had them so much, and I refused them so much that it is my responsability my loneliness. Remember my father:

I won’t feel bad for you,
you are lonely because you choose so.
You had wonderful girls,
and you always left them.

The decisions I took were inspired. Looking for better. For more. Or just for more in a different direction: inside instead than outside. But then I got hit by life. I got distracted. And I ended up nailed to the cross of my own decisions, while crying: “Goddes, oh Goddes, why have you abandoned me.”

There is no turning back. That’s why I need to develop authenthicity, integrity and death. My inside knows that it is not by having more chicks that I shall find my salvation. This is why I always fail. Because I did play, and I suceeded. And then I went on!

…still the doubt remains…

…eroding me.

Her script, my rationality

I had a dream, and in this dream I was shown one of the basic female behavioral pattern. One of their basic template of actions. Their basic script.

After that I went back in my life and thought about all the women I had. Both the ones I had success with and the ones I failed.Naa, wrong way of thinking. Both the way with which there was chemistry and we embodied it, the ones in which there was no chemistry, and the ones in which there was chemistry and we did not embody it. Better.
And in all those cases I could only see 4 or 5 basic patterns. Not a huge diversity. Then I realised how I keep on falling on the same hole over and over again.

Let’s look at those patterns before I tell you my dream, and we look at the most complex one.

Pattern:

1. We kiss by surprise. We are having a good time together, at some point I feel it is the right time. A window of opportunity has open. Possibilities:
   1. I either take it and kiss her.
   2. I don’t take it (for any reason, she might be married, or a student of mine or whatever), and sometimes no new windows open up again at all.
   3. I am clumsy, try to take it but shy off at the last moment. In this case it is very improbable that another window will open at all. Example: Elena, Elena was her name. Maybe 2 decades ago. Summer resort, we were looking at the night sky I was pointing her at some costellation. The window opened, and I… kissed her on the nose. LOL. Com’on I was young. :). How sweet. Next day she went off with another guy and came back hand in hand, and so they were for the whole holiday.
2. She is so taken by me that does everything.
3. We are both following a wave of naturality. Things just happen spontaneously. No one is driving, and following it we can end up in bed with no one having predicted it at all. This is every women’s dream. This is what they dream, desire and hope. It happens. A good bandit knows how to make it happen more often, and when he does it is not fully spontaneous, and women then counteract with the next pattern. In short an arm’s race erupts.
4. She says maybe, meaning yes. You understand yes, and then she acts out a no. Complicated, eh! And this is what I am facing. Not in the last flirt, just everywhere. This is the pattern that makes us crazy. The pattern that women follow beyond what they say.

And now let’s look at the dream:

We were in a summer resort. We had chemistry, but nothing had happened yet. She was leaving the next day. I went to her and speaking we agreed to pass the last time together (she says yes). We know that we would end up having sex, or at least I will try. I have no other possibilitiy, she is leaving after. We both seem to want it. I leave her room, and go to my room to prepare myself to go out with her. She does not come. I look for her, and she is in the room of another friend of her. He is naked. His gf is in the shower, and they are on the bed chatting and laughing.

So here it is. She says yes, she means yes, and then she does something else. Whatever she has said is meaningless to her. She is not tied out by her own word. And this is good. Would you want a girl that have sex with you not because she feels like, but because she promised you so. Com’on, grow up. “But Daddy, you promised me so”. “But Darling, you promised me so”. So she says yes, she means yes. She raises your expectations, and then she does something else. What to do? Sulking is not the right thing. Getting angry, uhuhuh, terrible, terrible! Mirroring her behaviour has better chances. It might be the right moment to pass some time with a female friend of yours. Or getting in the room and joining them in chatting. In short, acting alpha, not acting beta. Not being tied by your expectations.

Now I strongly believe that this behaviour is not society dependent. I think it is actually in the genes. It’s not that they are evil, is that they have been evolved to act so. I think something similar is even described in Coming of Age in Samoa. We are in the classics, here. If you look at Shakespeare. Venus and Adonis is number 2. She does everything. Romeo and Juliet is number 3. The first time they meet they even compose a sonnet just by speaking. And I am sure that if you look in Shakespearse other compositions you will find the others. I remember Emmanuelle (from Emmanuelle Arson) describing a similar one (I quote from memory):

In front of him you take off your dress, if he takes you you make love. If he stops for any reason you get dressed again, asking him to forgive you. Then you always refuse his approach, up to the point of accusing him of rape if he forces you. And his last thought before dying will be for you.

Then it is interesting to see how the patterns are woven together. You might be following a wave of naturality (#3), then a windows opens (#1), then you don’t take it (#1.2), then she tests you by saying, “no, oh no” (#4).

And be clear, number 4 is a test. It has to be considered that way. This is the best healthy approach. If you pass the test you have the girl… for some time. If not she wouldn’t want to have a beta male in any case. It’s a win-win situation for her.

Also the same pattern is repeated at different levels. For example I have not so many problems by now in kissing a women. Yet in touching I might feel there is a window open to escalate further. Maybe to touch her sex, and I might lose it.

Now, are those all the pattern that women follow all over the world. No, probably not. Those are very common ones. But there are others. Right now it came to me that probably there is an important pattern in which the male accepts the female superiority/guidance. But I am not the right person to speak about it. Anyone feels like describing it?