Womanizing: The skill and the sight

The interesting thing, is that after a few months that you read e-books and articles on seduction, you start to make connections. You start to understand and realise that the illogical way in which women act, after all is not that illogical at all. Just contorted. From our point of view. Understanding this makes their behaviour more acceptable; the results less surprising; and the world less evil.

This does not means that magically I have learned to seduce women. Just that now I see the errors that I do. And we all know that knowing your error is the first step toward recovering.

It is like if for my whole life my eyes have been closed. Now finally they have been open. Slightly. And suppose that I had a ball in my hand and I had to throw it through a hole in the wall in front. Make it a spear and you’ll get even more symbolic. Before my success was mainly due to luck. The ball would often bouce off the wall, and I was frustrated, unable to understand what has gone wrong. Now my eyes are open, and I can see where does it bounce. I can see where the hole is. I can see the inevitability of it to bounce if my aim has been imprecise.

This does not mean that I am able to throw the ball, suddenly through the hole every time. Having been blind all my life, there is a huge work that needs to be done to learn the hand-eye-ball coordination.

Plus a huge work in learning the self security needed to say my line in the right time. Babe.

But it feels quite inevitable to do it by now. Mostly a matter of time.

When I was a kid (i.e.15 to 19) I would greet every year as the coming year is when I will finally have sex for the first time. Then the year came much later. And then it went.

In a few hours it’s going to be 2007.

Let the 2007 be the year in which, it doesn’t just happen. But in which I finally learn how to make it happen. Consistently.

And if you are a man, and you are interested in a starting place, you should definitly read
the articles at the Bristol Lair. Pretty much all the schools are present, and is a good place to start.

The Personality Disorder Test

I am not going to transform this blog into an adolescential tests blog. Yet, as I was studying the Game material, it was suggested to take the Personality Disorder test. It is probably quite a serious test, not the usual BS, so I did it. The suggestion was: if you came out with any high or very high, then consider seeking professional help. And the response was pretty much all high and very high. Oops. I am quite surprised I am still alive, to tell you the truth. In any case here are the results:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	High
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	High
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
– Take the Personality Disorder Test – – Personality Disorder Info –

Maybe I should take up therapy. Right now I am in the middle of a very challenging academic job, but it should end in a few months. That might be the right time to take care of this. I use to have a therapist many years ago. When she convinced my girlfriend to leave me (I am not inventing, my x-gf told me later what she said to her) I pretty much stopped trusting her for important issues. In the meantime I have been reading about Cognitive Therapy, and I might put the two strands together and find a Cognitive Therapist who is willing to work with a Borderline Schizotypal impatient. Not to mention Antisocial, Histrionic, Narcisistic, Avoidant Dependent.

And being Avoidant and Dependent is really a bad mix. I mean, it pretty much mean I am always on the wrong side of every door.

the ill king

…
But something happened today.

I said I had sex less than one week ago. In fact I think it was exactly one week ago. And we kept in touch. And I told her I was not in love with her. Which is true.

But, you see, my father would not have acted like this. If he was alone and a woman fell in love for him, and this girl, ehm, woman, really have fallen in love for me, poor soul. He would take her. I never saw my father saying no to a woman if he was single.

Should I refuse a woman just because she is a decade older than me, has a kid and an unhealable illness. The kind that makes you die a slow and painful death. Does not attract me physically and has no language in common with me?

Yes her eyes sparkle, her smell is nice to my nose, and my energy has a nice time in exploring her body. But can the energy, the smell, and the eyes balance the age, the beauty, the language, the illness, and the kid. Yet my father would have realistically said, “Yes, go for it!” And this is why he is always in a relationship, and I am always alone.

While I was considering how to answer her last email. The desperate type of email, the one that is sent 5 days after the probing one. 5 days in which she was probably on the torture table, while I lousily considered how to answer her without harming her too much. I went to practice meditation, and I did an exercise that my teacher taught me personally. I shall not bore you with the details, just with the result. As I was moving the energy and my body as I was told, if I were to think of this issue… then the answer was clear to me:
Yes, go for it.

But as soon as I were to stop the exercise I would go back believing that ‘NO’ was the only honest, true answer that I could say and hold with integrity.

There is no right answer, we can just chose between different type of pain.

The wise man only sleeps one night in the inn of truth

or similar.

And:

There once was an old king. The king was old and with a very big illness. All the doctors have run away, fearing to be put to death for not being able to heal the king. Only an old magician have remained. He was old, and everybody believed he was half crazy. The king went to the magician and asked for a solution that would cure him of his terrible illness. The magician explained him that he had to find a man that was similar to him in all details. Exchange clothes with the man and make him king for one day. After that one day the man would die, and the king would once again be whole (healed). A request was sent through all the kingdom:
-all the men similar to the king were to go to the palace for a checkup. Failure to meet this request would bring sudden death to the men and all his family.
Male of all ages start swarming the palace. One by one they would be checked by the doctor, and he would dismiss them all. This one was too short, this was too tall, this too fat, and this had a skin dot that the king did not have. Not one met the prerequisite of the doctor. The king protested, said: you are never satisfied. And the magician explained: the man has to be absolutely like you for the cure to take place.
Not one person was chosen.
Some weeks later the kind and the magician, were walking along the banks of the river, when they saw an old man. His skin was wrinkled, his body lean. He was dressed in rugs, he was maybe the poorest man in the country. Living of rubbish, thrown away by others. And the magician said: Here! That’s him. Quick change your clothes with him, make him king and he will die at your place and you will be again healed.
-Me? What have I in common with that bum? He is of a different age, size, and height. He is also poor while I am rich, he has no family either nor friends. How can I compare with him.
-Quick, quick do it. Said the magician, for an old ill king can only be compare with the poorest man of the country.
The king refused and that very night he died.

What has I in common with an old, ill, divorced mother?