Today I am depressed.
Normally I would claim that is because of having masturbated… but I haven’t masturbated in ages.
Or I would say that is because I haven’t had sex with someone from a long time… but I actually had sex less than a week ago.
When it happened yesterday I said that it was because of having been awakened too early from the centralised fan. It’s engine just above my room… but I made such a fuss that they turned off the centralised fun, so nothing like this happened this morning.
Of course there was a time when I would have said that it was because of the diet… but my diet was perfect in the last weeks.
I also have done meditation daily in the last weeks, and went to an interesting workshop that made me upgrade my skills.
Or I could accuse the lack of real friends, and this might actually be true… but, truth to be told, it is not that much worse than in the past weeks or months. In fact it is actually better.
Somehow this depression seem to be only tied to an inbalance of serotonine. Something I know I have, and the shitty weather in central europe isn’t really helping at all. Cold, damp, no sun, no pussy, and no friends.
I want to go home.
But there is no home,
my friends have left my hometown.
My ex girlfriends are all married, or getting there.
Still the weather in mediterrean countries is much warmer,
and the sun is more bright than any girl I have ever fucked.
P.S. Tessa, avoid commenting, please. Give me a break.
13 November, 2006 at 3:57 pm
Last comment. I actually like you, was too curious and too blunt. Good luck with all that.
13 November, 2006 at 4:19 pm
It is ok. But you need to accept a place more as an observer. Your questions did not seem to me so much as trying to understand better an issue, but more as trying to move me in one direction or another. And unfortunetely there is no way a woman can directly help a man grow. My mother has tried for decades, it just does not work. Only men can help men. Women can observe, or provide the obstacle and the test. And I don’t want tests as part of this blog. Because
A) I need this blog as an external mirror where to look at my life, not as part of the issue, and
B) I don’t want to spend too much time thinking about what should I respond to comments.
So once you have understood the difference between commenting to understand and commenting to test or guide, then you are very welcome back. And I will be honored to host your comments and answer them.
Till then,
this man