Chemically induced happiness

I am happy.

I am not particularly happy to be happy. I am just happy. And a bit bored of being so superficially happy. So predictalbly in high mood. Because my high mood has no spiritual reasons. No spiritual qualities, or no virtues. It’s due to a pill; a medicine; it is a chemically induced happiness!

No, not Prozac, although probably not that far off.

My happiness comes from having been celibate in the last 3 weeks. And … (1)

You can’t be celibate and not be happy. Not as a men. Not when you do 3 hours of meditation a day. It’s just in our body. From the steroid to the Testosterone, is just a chain reaction. A causal relationship. A falling stone. And the Testosterone then stabilizes the effect of serotonin. And this gives us a high…. (2)

(1) …and the unhappiness comes, deep, deep down, from knowing…
no!
…from believing that I cannot keep it up. That eventually I shall start again masturbating, sexual fantasizing, onanistically destroying myself. (3)

I had a dream. In this dream I had escaped from jail with 5 jailbirds friends of mine. The dream was filled of the mixed sensation of happiness coming from freedom on the one side, mixed with the fear of being caught, and ending back in jail, on the other.

(2) …but the high in Serotonin induces bliss. And bliss uses up serotonin. Which makes the whole thing unstable. Add an extra hour of meditation, just to ground yourself.
daily.

If I were to take a pill to have bliss, would you consider me a saint? No.

Then why if I reach the same state by just moving the energies in my body in the correct way you think of me better. On what ground is your judgment done. I am not critizising you for judging me. I love people who have the braveness to judge, differentiate and criticize. I am criticizing you for judging me on a fakely stable ground.

It’s just another trick. There is no added value.

(3) A woman cannot understand this. Women cannot understand many things about men. But they keep on trying, which is fine, and thinking they are suceeding, which is ludicrous.

Women just can’t understand.