I have been silent, I know.
It was necessary, and still is.
Not so much outside, but inside. The level of whining that was outpuring out of me, was a clear indication of my need. I don’t belive in “not whining”, as a value in itself. I believe in taking away the causes that make you be so critic of your own life.
if you had no reason to whine you would whine about that
So I am taking away distractions, and hearing my inner sound. Sometimes I go back home sooner, and I don’t bring the computer with me. Then I just sit. I sit through the pain and the boredom.
I discovered my pain having a very distinctive pattern. When I am distracted there is no pain. But in time I feel tired, loose energy, and get nervous and uncentered.
When I bring back the attention to myself the pain is there. Was there all the time, waiting for me, like the entrance guard to the inner part of my mind. But when I am present to myself the pain is not there anymore.
If you think about it this echoes the dialogue between Bodhidharma and his successor.
…”When I look for my mind, I can’t find it”.
“I have pacified it!”
the trick is to keep searching
Unfortunately, being unenlightened, I am unable to keep my concentration focused for a long period of time. Usually one or two seconds. So I keep on coming back to my self, and I keep on feeling the pain of going through the same gate, again and again and again and again.
what a wonderful school
The only solution is to keep my attention focused inside withot flickering, without distracting for…
until…
until… the causes the make me feel this pain have dissolved.
whining again?
In other words, I am saying that apart from suicide, that we have discussed earlier, there is another way out. It’s called enlightenment.1.
I need to go, as I have already said too much, and my cushion is waiting for me.
Finally something
—-
1. Yes, I know that continuous concentration is not enlightenment. Yet I am keeping it simple.
This Man 
19 October, 2006 at 9:59 pm
Do you lucid dream?
20 October, 2006 at 10:45 am
No, from a long time.
I need too much energy to lucid dream, and unless I am in a celibacy lifestyle which lasts at least a few months I just lack the hormonal prime material to keep it up.
I suppose for women might be different.
21 October, 2006 at 3:27 am
I have lucidly dreamed since I was 14. It matters little if I am celibate or not to accomplish it, not do I need any sleep inducing medication. It can be used in highly mental, spiritual and physical ways. You mentioned a deep meditation producing spiritual enlightenment and it made me think of the lucid dreaming. You mentioned energy, I have a lot. You know those comments where someone will remark of very active, busy child, ” Wish I could bottle that energy”
or “Wish I could have some of THAT”. I have that kind of energy and I can wear the children out and then still go work out at the gym and do lots. So maybe thats it.
21 October, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Women don’t lose energy when they have sex.
This is why celibacy does not change your ability.
Take care,
this man
22 October, 2006 at 2:11 am
That totally depends, lol
23 October, 2006 at 10:18 am
Naa, not really.
Of course every interaction can leave you drained,
but this is true both for men and for women.
Yet the average male will loose energy every time he ejaculates,
while a women usually orgasms without loosing energy.
For women the equivalent energetic loss happens once aa month.
The energy goes with the blood of their menstrual cycle.
This is the whole foundation to the taoist sexual practices, which aim, for both, to transform their sexual energy into spiritual energy. For men this requires to diminish or stop ejaculation, while for women to diminish or stop their monthly cycle. And, believe it or not, I have many friends suceeding in both quests.
P.S. yes, it is possible to ejaculate without loosing energy. But is a very rare event, and very hard to master. Much harder than learning not to ejaculate at all. I only know of one person who managed to master is consistently
23 October, 2006 at 3:15 pm
I don’t lose energy like that. My menstrual cycle is not where I personally lose energy, not do I lose energy in the other states you mention and only one type of interaction usually drains me and that was a surpise. I go several months just super charged but I try to sleep 8 hours a night and I go to sleep like an on and off switch. Last couple of nights I have had these detailed story dreams. So when I do not take at least 30 minutes to write everyday my brain creates on its own. I have used sleep and dreams to problem solve, used lucid dreaming in mental health therapy & recovery of repressed memories from childhood trauma, used the 30 minutes before sleep to increase my long term memory usage when studying and slept/dreamed the subject following where concepts clicked into full understanding like an aha reaction, a sudden paradigm shift in comprehension. Works really well with math equations and concepts, and science concept. I worked at the meditation and lucid dreaming long enough I would hit like a mental brick wall then after awhile what seemed like a locked door then after awhile the door was open and then no lock seems to exist as I had persisted. I do not meditate the same anymore, within a few minutes I am now moving to an area that I cannot describe properly. I could have it where no boundary existed but the mental energy level is way too much so I leave the wall in place and the door closed unless I want to open it. So now that I am finished sounding odd I am going to throw some clothes on and get to work.
24 October, 2006 at 11:30 am
Let me rephrase it to understand it better. You are saying that, you do not loose energy through menstruation. This would mean that, if you were to practice taoist sexual practices succesfully, thus cutting the red dragon head (i.e. stopping menstruation), and redirecting all the energy that is now going for your cycle into spiritual energy you would NOT have more energy…
hmmm.
25 October, 2006 at 3:55 am
Hi Man!
I wouldn’t want to stop it. Menstruation has its own very natural power and provides balance to the feminine body.
Maybe it only weakens those who do not understand that.
I did not know a thing about Taoism so I read something briefly about it today. I still do not know much but I think to be truly in balance, one must accept and appreciate all that nature has given us, not just what we want to like.
Tessa
25 October, 2006 at 8:59 am
Good answer. I am not suggesting that you do it. I am just stating the state of the art.
And since other people will be reading this let me add
It is natural. Not menstruationg once a month is just another state of the female human being, that is being accessed when women need extra energy. It naturally happens in many occasions, like when a women is sick and need to recover, or when she is going through a big effort.
For what I know, as an outsider of the female body, menstruation has also a cleaning and cleansing aspect that should ne be overlooked. And for this reason even women who stop their menstrauation still menstruate about once a month.
But of course of you or anyone else would want to know about it you should go to a female practitioner, there are plenty around.
/lesson
24 March, 2008 at 8:16 am
Hi,
So How do you stop menses?
I definitely KNOW you do lose energy during menstruation whether you are aware of it or not.
Most women with normal lives and relatively stress free menstruations think they dont lose anything, BUT any serious sportswoman knows how even the most painless menstruation affects performance A LOT, over time you own body develops some form of amenorea, depending on the amount of time you devote to training. (olympic champions and exceptional sportswomen dont menstruate)
So what´s the tao way of cutting the red dragon? can you point me somewhere? or to some serious books?
25 March, 2008 at 11:59 am
Chia’s book (as in Mantak Chia’s book) on female sexual practices is ok. I personally suspect the main reason why those things work is because they involve a fair amount of self massage of the nipples, and massaging the nipples have the side effect of stopping menstruations. But I don’t have the books with me right now to support my statement
thisman
P.S. this line from the comment above:
And for this reason even women who stop their menstrauation still menstruate about once a month.
should instead read:
And for this reason even women who stop their menstrauation still menstruate about once EVERY SIX monthS.