Alpha-Beta male

I have been thinking about this topic of being a beta male;
and I have been thinking about vulgarity;
and I have been thinking about integrity;
and I have been thinking about this constant battle;
and I have been thinking about suicide.

Because, if you are a beta male, then you can as well kill yourself,
but if you are going to kill yourself, then you can as well live with integrity.
What can you lose?

But what does it mean to live with integrity? It means to live every day as if it was the last. Which, if you are on the edge (again the edge) of suicide, it could be quite litteral.

On the other hand I would like to live with such integrity, that the internal feeling of keeping my integrity, is more meaningful to me than the external fact of getting the woman. Which I think is the difference, the real difference, the core of the difference, between a beta and an alpha male.

You could say that an alpha male makes an action for it’s own sake, while a beta male makes an action to reach an end. The action then becomes a mean. The action then is not authenthic. It smells of vulgarity and compromise.

So we have a nice polarity here. On the left side we have

Alpha ——————————————————————— Beta
Integrity ————————————————————- Vulgarity
Action as an end ——————————————- Action as a mean
Authenthic ——————————————————- Compromise
Living each day as if it was the last ——————————– Planning
Fully alive —————————————————- Mostly Sleeping
Living in reality ———————————————-living in a dream

We have spoken about love as a mean. But I think this is different. The issue is not to ‘love as an end in itself’. But to make every action as if it was an end in itself. Like dancing.

And the way to move from one side to the other? I believe there are many ways? Facing your own suicide, is just one. But I believe a popular one, if we have to count the number of great people who will tell you they were on the verge of suicide, before deciding it was just not worth to live like that. But it was worth living nevertheless. Thomas Edison comes to my mind, and of course Buckminster Fuller, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (AKA Osho), Gideon Fontalba (now Shin).

And if this does not brings me the companion, it does not matter. At least I have lived with integrity. With authenthicity.

I wonder if I am able to live the rest of the day, like if I were dancing. Without planning to live like this for my whole life. Just today, for the remaining hours.

I remember a friend of mine, Frala. She had a physical defect, that made always be singled out as a child. The other kids would band together to beat her. She learned rapidly that whining was just not going to help her at all. Instead she bacame a great warrior, and then the best spiritual warrior I ever met. I remember her telling me of one of the litterary passage she preferred. Siddharta living her family. So Siddharta goes to her father, announcing that he needs his permission to live and join the renouncers. He refuses it. Siddharta stands.
He asks: -what are you waiting for.
Siddharta answers: -you know.
-You will get tired.
-I will get tired.
-You will die.
-I will die.
-You will fall asleep.
-I will not fall asleep.

Now! In that not, there is the ferocity that is needed to live each day as if it was the last. To be an alpha male. And now you know why this blog is anonymous. I could not make an action of such beauty, and not make it anonymous. It’s anonymity preserves it from being polluted by my own ego.