I am starting to believe that I, as a man, find my true expression when I am at the edge.
The words: ‘the way of the sword’, and ‘walking on a razor blade’ fits here nicely. And so you can see the difference between male and female sexuality. With male sexuality ending with ejaculation, while female sexuality doesn’t. And the concept of deciding, as a yang-masculine characteristics. Superficially seems very male oriented. But being a male, this becomes the realization that you can never be off guard. That you can never relax fully. If you read Gandhi description about Brahmacharya, you realise how it meant for him a continuous control, not just of his sexuality but of all his sense. ‘Walking on a razor blade’, again. One thought unguarded can lead to the end of weeks, months or years of careful cultivation. The past becoming irrelevant.
When I was a young man I liked to kiss my friends while laying atop of them. Just on the edge of the bed. One inch from falling. She would ask why? And I could not answer. I just would love it. As if there was something special in this, being an inch from utter destruction (it was a 20 cm fall, no big deal, but one can dream, right?). Sometime we also fell down, and laughed.
Now I don’t do it so much anymore. Partially because it is so rare that I see any action that I don’t want to ruin it in such a silly way. And partially because I tend to try to embody in my life my dreams. How this is so, depends from dream to dream.
For example, if I have been submissive in my life, or I accepted something that burned inside, later on, I might find myself having dominant sexual fantasies. Now I take it as a sign that I have not being assertive enough. While the dream of living on the edge would probably now be interpreted that I don’t risk enough in my life. And indeed at the time I was quite pampered.
I could write more about it, but I am so nicely relaxed by having just masturbated, that I really don’t feel like. Yeah, one distraction and whole word goes limp. And limp is no fun… but is very relaxing.
11 September, 2006 at 8:34 am
I was gonna make a comment. Then I erased it. Wrote something else. Erased it. Basically, I decided to ask you if my comments has proven to be a distraction in your blogs.
But, simply, I do not agree on the theories that seem to persist about female sexuality, nor do I agree with the new diagnosis evaluations in the DVM for FSD; female sexual dysfunction. I think both theory and evaluation is flawed.
As for why I believe so, I prefer not to comment on that.
Good night
Tessa
11 September, 2006 at 10:34 am
Hello Tessa, I do enjoy your comments, although of course I don’t have always the time to answer them. Especially now that I am back to work and I have to took back all the jobs I interrupted for the summer vacations.
Also this blog is meant as my personal anonymous place to write very intimate things. As such I might not always be politically correct, and might sound harsh at times. It’s more then your decision if you wish to keep on interacting with it or not. I have other blogs where I play the ‘popularity contest’ game.
I don’t know much about the theories that seem to persist about female sexuality, nor do I agree with the new diagnosis evaluations in the DVM for FSD. If I seemed to sustain a certain theory is either because I came to similar conclusion or because I might have learned it by osmosis from society.
But one thing that I would like to ask you… if you take a public position (I believe in, I don’t believe in…), have the generosity to share why is it so. In this way other people can use your experience to expand their understanding about the world. If not your statement will have only a statistical meaning.
this man