When she sais No meaning Yes

One time I was with a friend of mine and his wife. She is from Poland, he is not. We were discussing the relative differences of our three countries. Speaking about women behaviour I asked her:
-”And do Polish women also say ‘No’, meaning ‘Yes’?”.
She laughed, then answered “Yes” (meaning yes).

This issue of interpreting female answers is a big one. I remember some people suggesting that actually, at least for some women, “maybe” means “yes”, and “no” means “maybe”. Those people don’t usually understand a “No” unless they are slapped a few times over. And then they might still be unsure.

In my opinion and experience women will tell you “No” way more often than they mean it. Sometimes to save the face (not to look too easy, or like prostitutes). Sometimes because they are shy, or you have just been to direct. “Shall we go to my place and have sex” will generally provide you a “No” even when she wants it, unless a relationship is already underway. She just will never admit to such a direct request.

Which brings back us to the answer to what in me scares women. My whole life, is a direct request. My eyes, my beard, the intensity of my eyesight. Accepting it means to jump. And few are willing to do it.

But beside this recouring theme, it seems to me that there is another reason that makes women say “No” meaning “Yes”. Some women, will say “No” because they love men who don’t follow their directives. Let’s admit it, people who obey are boring. Are childish, don’t take responsability. Don’t risk. So here we have a women who consciously, but also often unconsciously, will say “No, No”. Meaning “Yes, but you need to take the responsability, and I will never admit I wanted it”. It is a dangerous game, and a game that can risk to go before a tribunal for rape or sexual harassment. And both parties, and the judge need to use their best discernment to understand if a “No” was really a “No“, or a “NyesO“. In some countries a women is not considered to have been raped unless she really offered resistance. Unless she slapped him, and did what was in her power to go away. For what might be worth I think of those as enlightened countries. Countries where it is honored the need for women to say a No which can actually be a Yes. When this is not the case (like in the US, or so I heard), men are more and more scared to risk and try. And the country is slowly developing Mama’s boys.

And then there is another issue. And is the fact that most women will follow the feeling of the moment more than anything else. And since this is subject to rapid change, a “No” at the some point of a meeting does not actually preclude a “Yes” later on. Sometimes in a non verbal form.

Few days ago I was in some woods with a girl. She telling me that she did not want to have sex with me. Half an hour later she was in my arms, with her legs relaxing open, her feet facing each other, the knees bent in the butterfly position while I was caressing her inner thight, and up up to the groin. She said No with her mouth before, but her body was telling a different story. I being blunt and straightforward avoided to caress her inner butterfly. When she realised I was not going to satisfy her completely she got up. It tooke me many sessions of meditation to get rid of the dream of what would have happened if I were a bit more in the here now, and a bit less in sharp truth of agreements.

Really sometimes what women say should be taken as an answer valid only in the moment. Not a definite statement.